Goony bird
A woman has a failing marriage, and she feels bad about it.
Her husband won’t listen to her or acknowledge her, or anything. All he does is sit on the couch watching football and waiting for meals. The woman decides to go to the pet store to find a pet.
At the store, she sees all sorts of animals, such as fish, dogs, cats, parrots, and even a horse. She’s intrigued by all of them and then sees a bird as big as a bald eagle, but that looks like a parrot with all its colors. She asks the store clerk what the bird is, and the clerk replies,
“Oh, it’s a goony bird! We just got it from Siberia! It’s tame really, go on and pet it!” So the woman did, and the goony bird affectionately rubbed its beak against the back of her hand.
“That’s not all it can do!” continued the clerk. “These birds, aside from being loyal to their owners, are also used as protection birds! And so the clerk said,
“Goony bird! The shelf!” And the goony bird extended its large wings to their full span and flew over to the shelf across the room. It then proceeded to destroy and demolish the shelf. Once all that remained of the shelf was a pile of kindling, it went back to its shelf.
The clerk continued, “Goony bird! The birdcage!” And so the goony bird destroyed the metal birdcage.
The woman bought the goony bird instantly. She went back home to find her husband, no surprise, sitting on the couch, watching the big game.
“You’re back,” he grumbles, barely looking up. “Have you got any salsa and chips for me? The cabinet’s out of it.”
The woman smiles. “Honey, you won’t believe what I got from the store! It’s a goony bird, from Siberia!”
The husband snorted with his usual put-down tone. “Goony bird, my ass!”